No Whining = Gratitude

Video: my conversation with Nadiah Suki on her accepting “process” for a greater good, and how her not whining about it is actually her practising gratitude.

Here is the reason I was so emphatic on “no complaining” when I had that conversation with Nadiah Suki: I recently completed a “no complaining” endurance in my recent 35-day Hajj trip! 😊

Prior to the Hajj trip, the teacher at my Hajj course had said that this is a journey of the heart.

The Sheikh taught me that with the 2 million plus people in Makkah, I should take heed of these (also see Appendix 2 further below):

not a vacation
no arguments
no complaining
expect uncomfortable
expect delays
people’s tests are different
not there to propose solutions to Hajj problems

The above apply before, during and after Hajj.

Before and during the trip, I prayed that my ears don’t hear and my eyes don’t see people complaining, arguing or proposing solutions. I also intended to avoid those kind of people.

Sure enough, there were some tests of those kind of people. Still, Allah did spare me from many, I am sure.

As an example at Kuala Lumpur International Airport when we were waiting to board the plane to Jeddah, my wife Marsila beside me suddenly said, “Oops, my bad, I shouldn’t have said that.” Truth was I really didn’t hear anything she said before that.

And as we were about to board the plane, a fellow pilgrim said to me, “Ada satu kecacatan (There is one defect)..” referring to the start of our journey, but at that time we were standing up to get on the bus to board the plane, so he could not finish his sentence.

In the first couple of days in Makkah, the tests of noticing people’s whining did continue. The travel package I bought had me share the hotel room with 3 other pilgrims, so they become new friends. To one of them I confided, in tears, that I was trying my best not to complain, not to add fuel to the fire of other people complaining, and not to be in the company of complainers.

Why? Because I am a guest of Allah and as a guest, I do not want to kecilkan hati (displease) my Host, Allah Himself!

This concept of not kecilkan hati Tuan Rumah (Host) was reminded to me before the trip by my friend, an earlier Hajah, Farah Rahim.

I texted Farah from Makkah that I was just keeping quiet when people complain. Farah suggested I smile while in the company of complainers, and I would be rewarded. So I did try to smile a lot throughout the pilgrimage. 😊

The pilgrimage was meant to be arduous, at different levels for different people. The congestion in the main mosque of Masjid Haram when we did the Tawaf and Sa’ie rituals as well as the daily prayers, the 40 degrees Celcius plus HEAT (!), the delays, the crammed camps in Arafah and Mina, the ratio of 60:1 people to toilet in the camps, the list goes on.

I think I was patient enough with the tests, Alhamdulillah, including when I smiled at supposedly intelligent suggestions people raised about the toilet situation, the meals menu prepared by the travel agency, etc., etc.

I decided to adapt to the new routines and travel situations (after all, I am a seasoned world traveler), and count the relative blessings I had.

Especially when another roommate said, “Allah loves you, Hasan - He gives you “corner lot” each time!” My roommate was referring to the positioning of my beds in Makkah, Arafah and Mina.

I was first to arrive at the hotel room in Makkah, thus I could choose the bed by the window.

In the Arafah camp, somehow I got the end bed (very narrow sofa bed/mattress - side-by-side literally touching the next one) by the wall, giving a bit of space to put my stuff between bed and wall.

In the Mina camp, my narrow bed (same cramming like in Arafah) was by the doorway of the room, giving “breathing space” to the next bed on the other side of the doorway.

(Read on, below)

Nadiah said that process is the bane of our work existence that she accepts (redha), for a higher good.

Blessings, tests and tribulations are also the constant of life and existence.

“and when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you give thanks, I shall surely grant you increase, but if you are ungrateful, truly My Punishment is severe!’” — Quran, 14:7

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf’s take on this verse is (see also Appendix 3 further below):

“As your Lord has declared, “If you're grateful, I will increase you in blessings to be grateful for. But if you are ingrate, if you lack gratitude, in fact, if you show ingratitude, I will give you more reasons to be ungrateful.”

This is a metaphysical equation. Gratitude = increase in blessings. Ingratitude = decrease in blessings.

This is a qaidah, it's a law. It's a metaphysical law that’s as true as the Newtonian physics that you learned in high school. If you're ungrateful, then Allah will give you more to be ungrateful about, more to whine about.

You think it's bad now? You have no idea how bad it can get. Read history to know how bad it can get!”

My Hajj pilgrimage was indeed an incredible journey of the heart, in many facets. The gratitude part is one of them, an intense experience and learning that I carry beyond the trip. Alhamdulillah, InshaAllah.

APPENDICES

Appendix 1 - Longer version (8.5 minutes) of my conversation with Nadiah Suki. It elaborates on higher level purpose, and goes into taking responsibility for influencing change.

Appendix 2 - Relevant slides from the Hajj course I attended. The teacher was Sheikh Seraj Alkhamsa. The course was “Hajj Series Intensive 1-Day Course 2023” at Al-Nawawi Institute.